quittin….

Ah didn’t gae ta yoga today. Ah really haven’t been enjoyin tha last week er so of gaein everyday, n it’s started ta feel like an obligation instead of somethang ah dae fer myself. In ordah ta dae tha 30 class challenge, ahd need ta gae nawt only every day through next Wednesday but also gae twice on both Saturday and Sunday (tha only days ah could afford it schedule wise). This also meant on Thursday ahd hafta gae ta 8 am, take tha bus (w. my bass and gig stuffs) to work, work until 6 pm, and then head over to the gig (10 minute walk from work), and be there until relatively late. Then work as normal on Friday – it just isn’t all feasible. The only external kind of incentive was if ah could dae tha studio’s 30 days (instead of just my personal 28) is ahd be entered in a raffle ta win prizes. N ah refuse ta kill myself just fer some prizes – yoga is about me.

Actually gaein n takin class wasn’t all that hard necessarily. But, ah realized ah was startin ta dislike gaein ta class, n that ah was intentionally takin it easy so ah could save my energy (instead of take tha yoga as deep as ah could ta really push myself) because ah wasn’t enjoyin class. N it wasn’t about gaein fer me – it was about gaein fer some amount of time ta see what it was like, n ta see if ah could dae it. Ah think ah could dae it – maybe ahll try again. But ah didn’t want ta – ah didn’t like it, it was makin life harder, n ah missed lookin FORWARD ta yoga class.

Tha hardest part fer me was actually quittin. Ah don’t quit thangs very often – ah quit tha cello in 4th grade n ah still wish ah hadn’t. Ah quit algebra in 8th grade. Ah dropped a few courses at Berklee n ah quit my job at Great Bay. Ah know thars some otha stuff in thar as well, but in general, ah don’t quit just cuz shit is hard – er even cuz ah don’t like it. Ah’ve tolerated wrestling in high school, years of shitty waitin jobs, livin at home fer way too long, n a bunch of otha thangs ah didn’t like w.o quittin. Ah like finishin thangs, sometimes just fer tha sake of finishin thangs. But last nite tryin ta pass out at 1 am (aftah a day of work, yoga class, n 3 hours of jammin w. some new folks – more ta come on that if it manifests) ah realized ah just didn’t want ta gae ta yoga anymore – fer me. N while ah took my clothes ta werk today, ah have forced myself ta quit tha concept of 30 classes – n that ah dont really care if ah dae 28 in a row eitha. Life’s just too busy, especially w. Crazy Paul’s weddin next week, a WTB gig on Thursday, n practicin w. some new folks.

So ah quit. Doesn’t feel good, but ah ken also live w. myself fer daein as much. Ahm still gaein ta gae as many times as ah ken – which will be 25 classes in 28, a numbah ahm pretty happy with. N if latah on down tha line ahm still really dissappointed w. myself, ahll try it again. Which ah wish ah could say about tha cello….